Grateful Web Interview with Gwar

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Submitted by Christopher Kemp on Sun, 09/13/2015 - 10:44 am

Over the Riot Fest Denver 2015 weekend I had the opportunity to meet with cult mystery and alien overlords GWAR. A 30 year touring satirical metal band famous for depraved costumes, wild onstage performance art and gallons of fake blood sprayed from severed heads, babies asses and slayed celebrity puppets. In full costume and character for this interview I kept it brief and as loose as possible.

GW: Hello Overlords thank you for meeting with me. First question. You have to kill one and impregnate one of the new presidential candidates. Who do you choose?

Pustulus Maximus (guitar): Ho Ho Ho! Don’t tell me that! I’m known as the impregnator.

GW: Can you elaborate?

PM: I gotta a lotta kids and a lotta bills… kid bills you know. It’s like I paid for the girl you know like a lot of Czechoslovakian chicks and I shouldn’t be on the hook for that for 18 years you know! You don’t get what you pay for in America. ANYway I would impregnate Donald Trump’s hairpiece. What else did I have to do?

GW: You have to kill another presidential candidate.

Blothar (lead vocal): Well when I impregnate a woman she pretty much dies so does that count?

GW: Uhhh, sure I guess.

BL: I mean if you really want the hole in one what you do is impregnate a woman and impregnate the kid she has inside her. That’s the real hole in one.

GW: OOOOkaay. Next question. How does humor inform what you do or connect to your audience?

PM: You think what we do is FUNNY!? You think we’re just trying to entertain you? I’m just trying to get paid by management and show everybody a good time. You know what nobody else even gets humor. Everybody wants to cry about something offensive over the Internet. There is no reality anymore. It’s all Facebook and nothing is happening anymore except people cry about shit that offends that on Facebook.

GW: Is it good to be offensive?

PM: YES its good to be offensive. When you feel offended you should know that either you need to wash your vagina or grow a pair OR know that maybe you have some fuckin’ morals that we don’t have. That we be kinda nice. Guess what though… we’re all going to die and that’s not a joke. So if you want to live your life crying about what offends you then maybe just kill yourself now and get it over with because what else do you have to live for…. Have fun go! Go to a GWAR show. Suck our dicks. You gotta live your life.

GW: Sound advice. Last question. Where do you see yourself in the future? Do you have a time machine? What’s happening?

BL: Cleveland… in the future. Now that’s Class… that’s in Cleveland. We’re going there. They basically put a holocaust bathroom in the bathroom and that’s how it smells but they serve Mad Dog 20/20 at the bar so where else you gonna go? Euclid Tavern or Kazakhstan.

GW: Kazakhstan!?

BL: Yeah I got a lot of friends over there. I did a little stint in ISIS. It’s all cool.

GW: Wow. Sounds like you guys are staying versatile. No time machine though?

PM: I mean yeah but it’s too dangerous. Do you remember Biff’s Pleasure Palace from Back to the Future? I’m trying to make that happen. So when Trump gets elected that’s becomes the white house and I got that hairpiece waiting for me in the back. That’s how It was created. I used our time machine and created the hair thing from the Adams Family.

Filled with knowledge no mortal should have I parted ways from the Overlords. I predict that GWAR will continue for quite some time. Embedded in their cryptic answers were some life lessons. Don’t take things so seriously, Facebook is becoming reality and Donald Trump may very well (gasp) be our next President. 

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