Hey, Baby Boomers! You’ve Already Destroyed the Planet and Wrecked Democracy, So How About You All Just F#%K Off and Die Already?

Article Contributed by Rod Weathers | Published on Sunday, March 3, 2019

As a dead center member of Generation X, I know all too well what it’s like to live with the Baby Boomers’ bullshit for, well, ever. As a kid growing up I had to endure their hijacking of pop culture long after their ideas and youth and influence were actually relevant. I’ve had Bob Dylan, The Beatles, and the Rolling Stones shoved down my throat as the gold standard for rock and roll for as long as I’ve been able to draw breath.  Jimi Hendrix is the greatest and there is no disputing it. The ‘60’s kids changed the world but the rest of us are sycophants who just don’t get how great it was when everyone partied and pretended, they were against a war or Nixon or whatever it was they claimed while they were high. Nothing else comes close to the artistry and revolutionary ideas that came out of the ‘60’s. Everything else is derivative.  They were the original.

Yes, I’ve had this hammered into my brain since I can remember knowing anything. When my generation screamed out their angst the Boomers responded with shitty Van Morrison records and divorce and ‘80’s yuppy cocaine binges and the constant arrogant and self-absorbed reminder that it was they, not we, who changed the world. The soundtrack of Gen X kids’ lives sounded painfully similar to the soundtrack of every nostalgia-driven movie that recalled the Boomers’ heyday.  Every fucking Vietnam movie. Every flowerchild period piece. It’s the time of the season for loving… There’s something happening here, what it is ain’t exactly clear… Throw in some Supremes to prove you’re woke. We grew up riding on bench seats without seatbelts in behemoth square gas guzzlers that burned “regular” or sometimes “unleaded.” Our grandparents burned their trash. Our parents threw it out the four-door sedan window.

The Boomers gave us our first celebrity president in Reagan and ignored every fucked up thing he did. They revere him even now. “If only today’s politicians were so honorable.” He ended the cold war and anyone who suggests something as ludicrous as socialized medicine is a threat to start a new one. They gave us George H. W. Bush and when one of their own wrote a song called Rockin’ in the Free World which pointedly criticized H. W., the Boomers sang along anyway and pretended they were patriotic. They got old during Clinton and clung to Newt’s “family values” con and made abundantly clear that my generation should get the fuck off their lawn. They laughed at Al Gore and voted for W. “Climate change is not a platform that can win.”  We still hear that one today.  They reveled in the freedom 9/11 afforded them to openly hate Muslims and any other person who would threaten their Christian identity.

And now we find ourselves where we are. Diane Feinstein (D-Calif.) tells young kids begging her to vote for the Green New Deal (GND) to fuck off.  She knows better.  She’s been doing this for thirty years. She was there when the shit went down in Vietnam. The jackass in the Whitehouse uses the words “clean” and “coal” in association with each other whenever convenient. Climate change laws that already weren’t good enough have been undone.  We’re 12 years and counting from irreversible harm to the environment while Silicon Valley companies work on a cure for aging (presumably so that affluent Boomers can live for fucking ever).

At the same time, old white guys in congress lay down for anything our would-be dictator in chief requires. Michael Cohen went in front of congress with what should have been John Dean-like impact and was shouted down as a cheap liar by the same old guys who rubbed elbows with him not two years ago. The 24 hour news cycle has already consumed Cohen and moved onto other things. The general public absorbs the sordid details of R. Kelly’s indictment or Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper’s fake romance. Amanda Bynes is in rehab and Donnie was mad at Marie for something that people born after 1965 wouldn’t understand. This is in the news today.  

Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders are the current favorites for the democratic nomination in 2020. Combined, they are 153 years old. Boomer democrats proclaim publicly they are concerned the party is moving too far left. Their donors are not leftist. Their donors are the status quo.  Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY 14) is the enemy of cows, capitalists, children, cars, and the American dream. Rollingstone Magazine’s top 500 albums of all time lists 4 records in the top 50 that were made after 1980. None were made after the year 2000. The top 20 is dominated by The Beatles, Rolling Stones, and Bob Dylan. One wonders if a correlation can be made between record sales and an album’s ranking, but fuck it, why research? Rollingstone is a magazine for the Boomers. People under the age of 50 likely don’t recall a time when they were relevant.

Let’s be honest with each other. If it weren’t for the Boomers we wouldn’t have Trump. But for the Boomers we may have taken action against the destruction of our planet decades ago. AMC made a TV series about the Boomers called The Walking Dead.  They won’t fucking go away. Ever. They’ll stick around until 2020 out of spite, just to make absolutely certain that the generations behind them are completely fucked. They’ll hang out until 2024 to protect us from communism. They’ll be here in 2028 too. And they’ll keep making those fucking movies.  The nostalgia pieces. The “we changed the world” stories. Scene one, tie-dyed shirts and bell bottoms. A summer of love. Insert most popular overplayed Jimi Hendrix song of choice. Insert anti war chant of choice. “1 2 3 4 we don’t need your <edited for PG13 rating> stinking war.” Insert cause they championed and the change they claim to have accomplished. Insert failure to look 10 years down the road when the great sellout is in full roar. Insert the Stones’ “Gimme Shelter.” Insert jungle scene shot in South Carolina that resembles Vietnam. Insert “Born to be Wild” followed by “White Rabbit.” Fuck it.

I’m sure some old hippies won’t appreciate this. “Not everybody sold out, look at me.” But I’m Gen X and you should already know my response. Whatever. I don’t care. You can all go fuck off and die at this point. We don’t need you anymore.